i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
this will be a night to untag.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
