Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
