"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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