So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
