So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
