Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
