i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
