Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
im six kinds of drunk right now
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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