and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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