I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
