I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
