Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
