waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
