so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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