I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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