the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
