The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
