all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
