He is like the real live version of the state fair..
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
