I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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