I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
