I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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