Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
