my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
