We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
