do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
