I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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