a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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