You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i need some magic done to my vagina
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
