she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
