I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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