wakey wakey hands off snakey
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
