I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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