I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
