hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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