this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
