not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My feet surprised me
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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