So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
