I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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