woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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