After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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