I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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