Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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