I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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