That's intense
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
