I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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