My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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