Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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