Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
