We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Im part way to drunk.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
