WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i think my cat just said my name.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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