is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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