woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
