Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
