Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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