She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
